1. Larry David said there are two types of people in this world that wear sunglasses indoors. Assholes and blind people. The Miami Airport is full of the former.
2. People need to bathe more often. Water is free. If you don't have money for water, wait for rain, go outside and clean yourself. I certainly wouldn't want to see you naked. But, that is less painful than having my clothes and nose filled with your stench. If you die, your body should be donated to science to understand how a human being can transform itself into a pig.
3. If you have an annoying voice, don't speak. Learn sign language.
4. Only women are allowed to shape their eyebrows. If you are a man and you do it, wear a mini skirt. It's the same thing.
5. Should someone call your cell phone, pick it up before it rings 18 times. No one cares if you are getting a call. It's probably ringing because you are playing with it to draw attention to you. You have no family or friends that love you anyway.
6. Excuse me, thank you, please, you first. This is forgotten vocabulary. Yet, they are important words in a courteous and well mannered person's vocabulary. I was educated by my mother and you by hound dogs. Believe me, it will hurt if I slap you upside the head for being rude. It's a shame there are laws preventing me from that but none against your behavior.
7. If you ate dog shit for lunch and you have not brushed your teeth today, don't open your mouth. Don't speak. Don't even breathe. You will be doing society and the ozone layer a great favor.
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